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FIRST
BOND (b+/g, nc, bd, humil, yng, mild) |
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I was the only girl in the
neighborhood when I was growing up . . so when the boys all got together to play
"war" I wanted to play, too . . Instead
of being mean and saying no, they said I could be the "prisoner" . . What that meant was they tied me to a
tree, then went off to play without me . . but even though it was kind of
boring, I took them at their word and believed that I was playing a really
important part of the game . . I was eight, and I think the oldest
boy in my neighborhood was only twelve or so . . but one day, a boy from another
neighborhood came to play . . he was about fourteen or fifteen . . I've seen pictures of me as an
eight-year-old, and I was a very pretty little girl . . none of the boys in my
neighborhood seemed to notice or care, but the new boy did . . When they tied me to the tree that afternoon, he decided they shouldn't just run off to do battle right away . . first they should "search" the prisoner . . in a real prison they would always do that, he said . . I was really excited at first that he
was going to include me in more of the game . . but eventually it turned into
something I could never have anticipated . . ***** ***** ***** At first they just did like we'd all
seen on the TV detective shows . . patting me down the sides and stuff . . but
the boy from the other neighborhood said that wasn't enough with a girl . . 'cuz
girls have "other places" to hide things . . I don't even know if the boys from my
neighborhood knew what he was talking about . . but that afternoon our war game
turned into something more like a sex education class . . The boy was very dramatic about it .
. he unbuttoned my play shorts and pulled them down to my ankles . . I was so
shocked, I tried to pull out of the ropes, but I couldn’t . . and I was too
frightened to say anything . . but it sure got my playmates attention . . I remember them getting really quiet
when the new boy hooked his fingers under the waistband of my panties . . I
don’t know whether they were excited or scared of being caught . . probably a
little of both . . but that sure didn't stop them from watching . . I'll never forget the way the boy
smiled at me as he pulled my panties down . . he was really enjoying this and
how afraid I was . . he made a real show of it . . I didn’t know what to do .
. I couldn’t stop him, and I was afraid that even more people might see me if
I tried to scream or anything . . so I just closed my eyes . . I was a very modest little girl, and
at eight-years-old it was a big deal for a boy to even see your underwear . . I
remember a rhyme they used to sing if your dress blew up while you were on the
swing or something . . "I see I
see I see Lisi’s underpants!" I was always so embarrassed by that .
. and now every boy in my neighborhood was staring at me . . WITHOUT my
underpants! I remember standing there with my
eyes closed . . I felt so totally helpless the way I was tied up . . totally
exposed and vulnerable . . the coolness of the air between my legs . . the rough
bark against my bare bottom . . I could hear the boys whispering . .
they were really excited, and in some strange way that was exciting to me, too .
. it actually made me feel “sexy” . . (or whatever my eight-year-old’s
equivalent of sexy was) . . this was definitely more attention than the boys had
EVER paid to me before, and I really wanted that . . but I had never imagined
anything like this . . So it felt good and bad at the same
time . . scary and exciting . . the same way my rape fantasy stories feel to me
now. ***** ***** ***** After a few minutes of staring, I
heard the older boy tell them that sometimes girl spies try to hide things
inside them, so they should put their fingers in me to feel if anything secret
was there . . he told them they could ALL take a turn if they wanted . . ALL of
them could put their fingers in me, just to be sure . . The boy smiled at me again as he slid
one arm around my waist and pulled my hips forward . . I don’t think I really
believed he would do it, but when he put his other hand between my legs, I
totally lost it . . having them see me with my panties pulled down had been
scary enough, but the idea of him touching me there made me go wild . . when I
felt his finger start pushing into me, I totally freaked . . screaming and
kicking like crazy . . it must have been pretty impressive because all of a
sudden my friends dragged the other boy off me and started trying to beat him up
. . I don’t think they were big enough to do much harm, but we never saw that
boy in our neighborhood again . . Once he was gone, my playmates were suddenly too embarrassed to look at me . . they didn’t know whether to pull my panties up for me or untie me . . For a minute I thought they were just
going to leave me like that, but finally one of the boys walked around behind
the tree and untied me . . then they all ran away . . That was my introduction to bondage
games . . and my first inkling of the strangely exciting "tie" between
force fantasies and sex . . I still remember that day so clearly . . I can feel that boy pulling my panties down . . the cold air on me . . the embarrassment of everybody seeing me . . but the thrill of all the attention they paid to me . . and how very excited it made them to look at me . . it was the first time they seemed to notice I was pretty. In the end, we all became very
special friends . . they were extremely protective of me . . like big brothers .
. we never played war again, but they let me play softball and frisbee and lots
of other stuff with them . . it was like they all wanted to be close to me, but
in a really caring way this time . . When I got to junior high school (our school had grades 7-12 in the same complex), they all treated me like I was their little sister . . we never talked about our secret, but I could tell they thought about it a lot . . I knew by how they looked at me sometimes . . like they wished they could see me that way again, now that I was older and my body was more "interesting" . . but I guess it was kind of an unwritten rule that none of them ever tried anything . . I always felt very sexy but very safe when I was with them . . guess you could say we had a special "bond". Lisi
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